Readers!
I cannot tell you how great it is to be back in my home, surrounded by my loved ones, in my warm bed, sipping a hot tea while I get back to normal life and update the newsletter!
Sure, it’s exciting to be in a well, on a ladder, in a second well, and then realize that it’s all actually one well, but sometimes we aren’t looking for excitement. “No news is good news” is a phrase I coined in the well for a reason, and the reason is this: as long as Henry, the local paperboy from sea-level who would scream world news into the well, said things like, “This word is too big for me to read,” fellow well-dweller Gary and I didn’t have to worry about anything other than getting out of the well. But sometimes Henry would come and scream things like, “Stocks are down!” and we’d scream back at him, “What the hell do you know about stocks, you’re 11!” and then he’d scream back at us, “You creeps keep running your mouths and you’ll miss out on the Sunday Funnies!” and then we’d scream back at him, “You would withhold a FAMILY CIRCUS comic from us? Who does that?” and then he might start weeping, we might get emotional, and the whole thing takes up an hour or two in a day. Long story short, “no news” means we don’t have to hear about Henry’s parents’ messy divorce anymore.
Anyway, now that I’m back on land, I am constantly dry (except for during showers), nothing ever “smells a little off” and most of all, I don’t have to ask Gary for his hotspot anymore! I have my own, and oh, do I use it every day to send emails I could never send from the well – specifically the emails where I start with: “Guess who’s out of the well? Me!” as opposed to: “Guess who’s out of the well? NOT Me!”
More things I can do out here instead of the well? I can drive almost anywhere! You would not believe how difficult it was to drive down there, especially with no car anywhere near due to both “how small the well is” and “how much I didn’t bring a car here”. I can now eat whatever I want and not depend on Postmates to deliver local food in a timely manner – I can be the one to pick up my Chipotle from the restaurant! By driving there! What else. Oh! I can finally get my own damn newspapers without the rollercoaster of Henry’s emotions, because I can drive to the store to get a newspaper! And I can finally get a car wash, now that I have access to a car and Lord knows by now that thing needs washing.
I guess all those disparate and unique reasons are enough for me to come back to sea-level forever. Next week, I’ll finally start writing lifestyle newsletter entries and you guys will get to start learning all about what I’m up to, my beauty tips, my music and TV recommendations, and, well, my lifestyle!
Til then,
Broti “I Miss The Well And Wish I Lived There Because There’s Nothing Like Being Able To Ignore The Hellish Circumstances That Envelop Our Current World From The Safety Of Being Next To Gary Who I’m In Love With But Will We Ever Get To See Each Other Again? Who Knows. Perhaps Our Romance In The Well Has To Remain In The Well Along With My Dreams For A Different Life For Us… A Respite From Reality” Gupta
Do u feel traumatized about ur well experience?
Wellcome back!